Dialog / Dialogue

I recently read a web article about writing dialog by a prominent teacher of writing, and to my horror, found that I had broken every single one of his rules. He said: Don't use stilted language. I used it fairly heavily. He said don't insert little tags like "he said," or "she mused," or "Jane interjected." Why the hell not? I wish I could give you a link to the page. I'm sure there was good advice, too, but a lot of unqualified advice makes the page less valuable. (By 'unqualified' I mean that the advice might be for a specific type of writing, or intended to achieve a particular objective. In that case, that objective must be made clear, and that's a qualification of the advice. Otherwise it's blanket advice, and since it will not apply in some cases, it's less useful.)

Here's a short passage from something I wrote. This is set in a fantasy feudal world, so the language is accordingly "stilted", or at least formal. =====

One night, when Maia's restlessness was matched by Sybilla's own, the slave was surprised by a soft song. Sybilla was singing, in her thin, barbarian voice, a sweet song. It started out softly, and, as the girl was caught up in the sweetness of it, grew more full of emotion and gathered strength. It was so utterly unexpected that Maia forgot to breathe. She listened, rapt, until the song wound to its quiet end.
Maia held her breath, still taking it in. A head popped out from between the curtains.
“Did you like it?” Sybilla asked softly, her face shining.
“It was very nice, princess,” Maia said, honestly.
“I haven't sung for such a long time!”
“You have not forgotten how! What is it about?”
“Oh, it is in the old tongue of our people. It is about a girl whose husband has gone to war. A lullaby to her baby, you see? Each verse tells of more sad things that have happened to the baby's father; first, going to war, then loneliness, then injury, and finally, he is not coming back. Isn't it beautiful?”
“Is he a prisoner, or is he dead, your highness?”
“Dead, of course. Our men are never taken prisoner, didn't you know? Of course you don't! You had to spoil the mood for me!”
Maia was deeply sorry. “It was an honest question, princess. I thought the song was perfect.” Maia could not see her expression in the near dark, but she heard the rustle of the fabric as the head was silently withdrawn.
“Sing me a song of your people, Maia,” she commanded, her voice coming muffled through the curtains.
Maia sighed. “I was not a singer, my lady. I ...” What was she to say? “I can play the harp,” she said, finally. And she was glad to say it. No one played the harp better than she. And to have been this long without one; it had been hard.
The head popped back out at once. “Really? One of those big things, with lots of strings?”
“Yes ... though I prefer smaller ones.”
“Did you know, the army brought a beautiful one back with them? It is said to have been taken from the royal palace!”
A wave of bile rose in Maia's throat. That they should dare to steal her own harp! But what daring was there? They had killed her parents, and she would be dead, if not for having hidden with the women in the baths.
“Indeed?”
“Yes! I asked for it, and the king gave it to me! It is in storage in a room in the great hall, but you shall have it! Oh Maia, what a joy this is!” Maia was puzzled. Why had there been no indication about musical interests all this while? “From where has this sudden interest in music come, my princess?” “I ... I thought I would soothe you with a song, Maia, since you were restless.” Maia listened, very interested. “It is no secret why we only sing; we have no knowledge of other musical arts but singing! The king asks the army that if musicians should be taken prisoner, they should be treated kindly, so that even if we do not have our own instruments, we might at least allow a slave to enjoy what he loves to do best! But the army is not able to understand such subtleties, and ... I suppose it is a miracle that the harp was brought here, instead of being simply destroyed!” “I will be glad to play it once you bring it here, my princess,” said Maia. ===== As you can see, there is much editorializing between the lines of dialog, and this has been the style I have settled on, since I can't quite figure out how to tell the story with pure dialog. Other writers miraculously do manage to accomplish all the storytelling without much authorial comment, as Susan Haley would say. Though I envy them this ability, I treat my writing as a means of telling a story, and I am not --at the moment, though that may change-- concerned about economizing the means that are used. I think there is value to letting the characters speak for themselves, especially if there is an agenda in the writing. I could have done things a little differently when Maia wonders why the princess is interested in music all of a sudden:

"From where has this sudden interest in music come, my princess?" Maia asked, with a slight sarcastic edge to her voice, which the princess apparently chose to ignore.

That would have changed the tone of the whole thing. As the story continues, early the next morning, the princess and her twin sister bring the harp out, and make Maia play it for hours, listening in fascinated silence. That triumph of innocence would be a little less plausible if notes of cynicism were introduced earlier. I have to admit that I did not write the dialog this way consciously, but I wouldn't consider changing it very much.

"I never imagined that your highness had any interest in song or music at all, my princess," said Maia, carefully veiling her skepticism.

That could have worked, but Maia's forthrightness of speech is of a piece with the slight sullenness she simply can't suppress, and it would be just a little out of character for her to be so restrained with her mistress. I don't know whether I'm making excuses for my choices, or whether they were all made with these motives present, even if subconsciously! It is not helpful to be too conscious of every decision you make when writing. I simply write like a maniac, but I read and re-read the stuff (because I write it to be fun to read for me, most of all, and I love the characters!) and I'm sensitive to most of the nuances, and so I can fix an off-note quickly. Unfortunately, because of the fact that I have read this sort of fiction from the age of 11, a lot of cliches tend to creep into my writing. I really don't know how one can de-cliche-ize one's writing, and still have it flow smoothly. If any phrase flows really smoothly you can absolutely depend upon it having been used before.