Education, Values, and Bringing Up Children

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The America that we know is so diverse that almost any generalization anyone makes is likely to be largely untrue.  This is particularly true with statements about Education, and about bringing up children.  There are thousands of people out there who have what I think is the right attitude towards Education, either because it worked for them, or because they brought it here from The Old Country: Education is good.  But for many, Education will make me rich, maybe, and that's all they care about. 

Modern America is based on two principles: Simplification, and Generalization. These principles have worked well for such a long time that when they stop working we’re not really able to recognize the fact. Precisely because they do work in so many instances, applying the generalization principle, we go on the assumption that they work in all instances. Yet it is only human to try and simplify one’s dealings with a variety of things, be it situations, people, or produce: we sort them into broad categories, and use rules of thumb.  This is called stereotyping, when people want to denigrate it, but who can do without it?

So when I say that people today do a very poor job of bringing up their kids, I’m making a big generalization, and I’m sure practically every parent will claim that he or she is an exception.

When I say that education today is (somewhat of) a failure, that too is a broad generalization that is likely to have just as many exceptions, but people are likely to agree, simply because it is human nature to point the finger at another culprit rather than to take some of the responsibility ourselves! But, in my opinion, the failure of education is partly a result of our failure in child-rearing.

Why have things come to this pass?  It all began in the early part of the twentieth century, with the introduction of the assembly-line, mass-production, and the economies of scale.  Standardization is a good thing in many ways ---consider that we can use any compact disc in any stereo--- but, again, the weaknesses of generalization rears its ugly head. Using industrial methods to mass-produce educated citizens has some negative consequences.

What do we expect out of education? Clearly the expectations vary wildly from person to person. The most common expectation is that education will result in a well-paying job. That may be true, but actually, it is the converse that holds: if you have a well-paid job, you probably had a good education. (Or your dad might own the business.)  A moderately good education certainly increases the chances of a young person being suited to a more responsible position, which in turn might bring a higher salary. Another expectation of education is that it fits a person for a productive role in society. Unfortunately, this doesn’t resonate with rugged individualists. They don’t want their kids fitting into anything; they’re not happy with society, and they don’t want a bunch of commies making their kids just like every other kid in the country. But some of us realize that the world is a complex place, and whether one likes it or not, a person’s interaction with society is complex, and cannot be reduced to a simplistic equation of dollars and cents.

As far as I’m concerned, education is also about values; all parents want their children to learn certain values. And they want those values taught in school: don’t have unprotected sex, learn how to drive safely, learn how to eat sensibly. Be respectful to people that matter, and don’t get tossed around by hoodlums. As you can see, all these expectations are very relative, and in extreme cases, rather crass. These values are better taught at home. There are other more important values that must be taught by both parents and teachers in concert: how to work well with teams and groups; how to lead where needed, and how to graciously take instructions from competent peers.

The job of a school, and of teachers, has evolved greatly over time. As society’s expectations of schools changed, their methods changed, to process a larger number of mediocre students quickly and efficiently. This has not been all bad. From a high-school drop-out rate of around 70% in the decade of the 1950s, we now have a drop-out rate of practically less than 10%, depending on how you count it. But we have given up a great deal to achieve this: the needs of both exceptional students, and particularly difficult students, tend to be neglected in favor of the needs of students of average ability. But, of course, every parent insists that his or her child must be taken care of first, and this demand is backed up by administrators, and so a teacher’s job is very difficult. To top everything, teachers are usually poorly paid.

Let’s turn now to the question of values and bringing up children. We don't anymore consider sex to be a mere means to conceiving children; rather, there are those who regard children as a somewhat regrettable by-product of unplanned sex. No matter what our conscious opinions are, we’re hardwired to take pleasure in children, both our own, and those of others. In recent times, it has become fashionable to consider children a sort of property, and therefore to consider other people’s children absolutely none of our business. People such as teachers, therefore, find themselves living a sort of contradiction: the children in their classroom are, on the one hand, none of their business, and on the other hand, entirely their business.  As far as I'm concerned, all children are everybody's business, but obviously I'm not going to waltz into someone else's home and tell them what to do.  I'm doing it here, instead .

The five day week was a tremendous victory; one would have expected that with the progress of society and more efficient means of production, we would have come to a four day week sometime in the twentieth century. It didn't happen. In fact, people are working harder than ever, working overtime, and working second jobs. Many of the necessities of life have become so costly that we need to earn more than the increase in the cost of living would explain. (One reason for this is that it is better business sense for a company to hire a few people, and work them hard, than to hire a large number of people to work shorter hours, even if they’re paid less. Another reason is that Business and Industry has decided that there must be a small leisure class --- wealthy stockholders --- and the working population must work very much harder to support them.)

The consequence of this is that we do not know how to bring up our kids, most of all because we haven’t had the time to figure it out. Bringing up children is not entirely an instinctive skill. It has to be learned. In fact, it has to be taught. But it is too important an enterprise to be left to the tender mercies of school teachers, wonderful though they might be. We must regard our own children as future parents from the word go. Every interaction must be something that that child can draw on in the future, when interacting with his or her own children.

The most important things a parent can convey to a child are: (1) be willing to take on unpleasant things, for the sake of the good it might bring. (2) Be considerate. (3) Set a good example to the younger people in your circle. (4) Value education, even if the benefits of particular aspects of it are not immediately obvious. (5) Be respectful of your teacher, even if your friends regard her as an idiot. She’s working under almost impossible conditions, because she believes in what she’s teaching. (6) Stay away from anything that will endanger your long-term health. (Additional values, such as being involved in the betterment of your community, must come from example.)

As you can see, a lot of what has to be conveyed is what anyone knows, but it is also precisely the sort of stuff that we have been conditioned not to talk about, so in this very article I’m violating a whole lot of conventions!

But shouldn't stop there.

It used to be the province of the local priest or minister to lay this sort of thing on the people. Once religion got seriously discredited, people jettisoned the priests and ministers, but had nowhere to go to be reminded of the commonsense axioms that they had to fall back on in the heat of the daily battle. Parents began to insist that teachers should do this. This means that education experts would have to come up with a new subject, like Sex Education, which might be called something like Not Being an Idiot. It is not the business of teachers to impart family values! A teacher who is a preacher as well loses a lot of credibility with the kids. Teachers do it, even if they get little thanks for it. But it is the responsibility of parents, regardless of how overworked they are. If you are a parent, remember you’re teaching for two: these lessons are needed for your kids. But they’re also needed for your grandchildren. They’re both content, and methods, in Education jargon.

Some extremists believe that Education should start at home, and end there as well.  I don't believe that.  Education is a social endeavor, and that is its glory.  But some things are best taught at home, not least among them being how to bring up children.  A child is never too young to learn the art of conveying values, by example, and with delicacy and imagination.

Afterword: I got so carried away I almost forgot to emphasize one of my main points: one thing that must be taught at home is to value and respect school, and teachers.  A child must not be taught that a teacher must earn his or her respect.  The respect must come first, both from the child and the parent, whether or not the teacher has demonstrated that he or she "deserves respect."  One must start with respect, and only proceed to loss of respect under desperate circumstances.  A teacher simply cannot function if he or she is faced with an array of skeptical faces.