Trust: A Recently Recognized Scarcity

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Why do I always stumble on these insights just a little too late?

I have been noticing for decades the waning of trust in different areas, but it is just now coming together in my mind: trust is hard to find in modern society.

The most noticeable realm in which trust is lacking is in government.  Our representatives have latched onto the fact that you do not really have to do what you promised at election time.  Heaven knows there are (1) enough people to blame if you abandon your agenda, and (2) your constituents are a lot less smart about really understanding what you did, so you can kind of snow them a little.  In any case, getting re-elected more than once is almost impossible, so get rich quick while you can, and walk away with that fabulous health insurance that all one-time congressmen are reputed to get to keep at government expense.  Is this true?

Trust is lacking in employment.  An employer is more likely to hire somebody in the family, or a kid of a trusted old buddy, than someone who walks in with a certificate, no matter how impressive.  They don't trust the certificates, and they don't trust the kids, who have become ever more adept at lying, and representing themselves as more efficient than they really are.  [Added later: another problem, I think, is that people are not confident in their own ability to assess how trustworthy someone is with any sophistication.  People who can judge character quickly and reliably tend to rise to the top; but sometimes that's the only think these people are good for.  But then, they have to surround themselves with --trusted-- people who can do the work, and as a result what used to be a one-man job is now a team job, and much more expensive.  This might not be the whole story with rising costs, but it is surely one piece of the puzzle.]

You can't trust your bank to keep your interests in mind.  You can't trust the manufacturers whose goods you've faithfully bought forever.  (You loved those solid items of hardware, but it seems they're making them out of plastic now, imported from China.)  You can't trust the labels on your food.  You can't trust the News, the papers, what you read on the Internet (though most of us are most gullible when getting information from the Internet).

Students in college are learning that a good hearty handshake, some snazzy threads, and Dad's support is more useful than really earning a strong degree.  A lot of self-made businessmen are suspicious of college fellows, anyway, because they've learned to be prejudiced against intellectuals.  They don't realize that there is absolutely no fear of getting an intellectual applying for a job with them.  All three intellectuals who graduated last year are now disgruntled postal workers.  (And these days, disgruntled postal workers are not a patch on the old ones.)

Some of my students are more focused on persuading me that their gaffes are excusable than on making sure they never make them again.

They also spend time cultivating their professors.  A good letter of recommendation is worth several poor letter grades.  It's not what you know, it's who will write a lying letter for you!  It's getting to be quite an art to communicate that a student is unreliable (in a letter of recommendation) without alarming the student.  The more honest thing to do is to tell him or her out front that you cannot bring yourself to write a letter on their behalf that is silent about their shortcomings.

In our personal lives, too,  trust is hard to give and receive.  Most people look with great consternation at their prospective life partners, and simply cannot figure out whether he or she can be trusted.  Hell, they figure, I'll just give it a try.  They're thinking that if things go wrong, it isn't that hard to end it.  Many younger people have friends they have not figured out completely, and they're totally stunned by the things their good friends do.  The fact of the matter is that they never knew them.  "I don't think I ever knew you, man."  The suggestion is that it is the friend's fault, not their own.  This sort of trust is very shallow.  It is mere acceptance, with very little evidence.

One of the most charming things I found about adults whom I knew was how willing they were to trust you based on very brief acquaintanceship.  Foreigners do not do this; you just know that you're on trial for a couple of years.  It isn't just suspicion, it's common sense.  Trust easily given isn't really worth very much, is it?

But the speed of life today requires quick judgements about whom you can trust.  Many managers and businessmen give trust quickly, and come down on their employees like a ton of bricks if their trust is betrayed.  This is a policy of massive retaliation.  Some parents follow the same policy with their children.  The Trust, but Verify policy is given lip-service, but not often followed carefully.

As a result, many people are in responsible positions not because they have the necessary skills for the position, but because they can project trustworthiness effectively.  Not surprisingly, young people cultivate projecting trustworthiness effectively rather than personal integrity.  Communication skills (or rather acting skills) are more important today than having something useful --and sincere-- to say.

If anyone has ideas as to how to deal with this crisis in trust, let us know!  Important questions are: how do you approach the matter of trust personally, assuming you deal with it at a conscious level?  How do you approach coaching your children (and nephews, grandchildren, students, whatever) in how to place their trust advisedly?  People have rules of thumb; e.g. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!" which is really an aphorism about trust.