When the Nagging Voice is Gone

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It just so happened that I did not have an older sister.  So I would visit friends and relatives, and watch, fascinated, as they got yelled at by their big sisters.  Big sisters, I noticed, did an awful lot of yelling at younger brothers and sisters.

It took a few seconds for them to realized that there was someone watching, and then there were a few embarrassed grins, and sometimes the big sisters involved would explain what the issue was; sometimes they yelled even more at their target for whatever they had done in front of a visitor --you know how it is-- and now, years later, I realize that I miss getting yelled at by older sisters.

Part of it is that I'm single, and have forgone the delight of getting an earful from the distaff side.  But there is something sweet about the particular kind of yelling that an older sister gives a favorite younger sibling.  Probably not in every case, but it is common in my experience.

What got me started on this train of thought was a song by the Cranberries: Zombie.  My favorite band leader and songstress, Uma of Episodes wanted to turn her hand to what is called covers in the pop music business: a performance of a song made famous by another band.  Zombie was on the list she sent to me for my information, and I was startled to see this video of a song to whose sound we had driven cross-country together often.  I remembered my strong impression of the lead singer of the Cranberries as an older sister, going on a tirade against the endless violence in Ireland.  Unlike the angry denouncements that one would hear from a typical modern young woman, this song had most definitely the sound of a wail, a dirge, a lament.  Perhaps it was the very Irish flavor of Dolores O'Riordan's voice and manner, but it evoked an old tradition of funeral dirge in which the dead were blamed for dying.  This is not what happens in Zombie, but the same impotent, bewildered fury and sorrow is most definitely present.

This kind of scolding is a disappearing remnant of an older way of life, where women were given less respect in many ways than they are now, but held in greater respect in other ways.  The dynamics of the relationship between men and women has changed, very significantly, at least on the surface, but sometimes one wonders whether it has changed all that much, or even for the better.

A.