All About BS

 [New, with corrections, 2018/3/15]
I know that at least some of my readers are reading the title of this post with alarm and distaste, but the fungus of BS is growing inside the walls of Academia, and all aspects of written communication, unaddressed by any sort of serious critic, and it's time that even someone as insignificant as I (or me) should set his sights on the fungus.

People use the description BS in different ways, so let's indulge in some disambiguation.

Often, when someone is required to describe something, or report on something, they write it up, and then proceed to embellish it with all sorts of additional material, intended to make it appear more substantial than it really is.  This is the sort of BS that I want to address mainly.  Let's call this Flab.

Then, sometimes, someone gets started on a topic, but then he or she is unable to switch off once the message is delivered.  This is a mostly innocent situation; many of us like to hold forth when we have the floor, as the saying goes.  It does waste everybody's time, but we should bear in mind that any of us could be guilty of this behavior, so be sparing in your condemnation, but the culprit should be reminded that if they carry on too long, their audience might forget the main point they were trying to make.  Remind them that less is more, the more they go on.  There's nothing much to say about this problem; let's call it Dribble, since it bears a resemblance to the difficulties that elderly men have with passing water.  (Something to look forward to.)

Then there is this: you're asked to write a report on something that you don't have clue about.  You create a piece of work that is absolute bluster, with nothing substantive in it.  It's double-spaced, and the margins are widened, and it's all wind and fury, signifying nothing.  Let's just call this crap, because it's of no use to anyone.

All this starts in high school.  A new teacher thrown into the arena is likely to recall his or her own high school (or middle school; these days the rot goes all the way into the basement) experience, and decides to assign writing.  This syndrome has well-intended origins.  Most teachers ascribe whatever success they have had in college to learning to come to terms with writing papers, and even coming to master the art of writing.  Of course, they have mastered the art of BS, but they don't see it as a negative thing.  "The World expects BS," they tell themselves, "and my little darlings must learn to do it well!"  And so, the innocent budding scholars are launched on a lifelong habit of BS-ization from which they cannot turn away.  It makes an ignoramus feel like an educated ignoramus.

In case you're wondering why I got onto this rant, let me confess my inspiration.  My wife works for a County government, and is put perforce on many committees that have to scrutinize various proposals: new businesses that need approval, new strip malls that need permission to be built, new strip clubs that want to locate near elementary schools, and so on.  One of these committees receives a half-dozen applications for a state grant, and so a group of committee members are volunteered to read through the applications.  (I, too, have done something similar, and one learns to skip-read very fast.)

Because this was a long weekend (apparently Government workers get Presidents' Day off, even if nobody else does) she brought the applications home to read.  To her horror, she found that one of them was an entire 60-page book, with blank blue sheets separating each section of the application (I guess I've blown her cover; wait, I think they were pink sheets.  Heh heh).  Within minutes she was groaning.

Most employees of County governments in her position have had a college education, and so are moderately comfortable with writing and reading, but the lady of whom I speak has had professional writing experience, and professional editing experience, and is naturally frustrated with poor writing that has been jazzed-up with lots of bling.

Let us go back to the college days of the creator of this artifact, and his or her English teacher.  Well, what's a teacher of writing to do?

Students of writing come from all sorts of backgrounds, and have a variety of goals.  They want to go into the workforce and do well, or become a famous author or poet, or want to go to graduate school and teach other idiots how to write, or just want to get through the writing classes, thinking to themselves "I won't ever write for real; I'll make self-help videos for YouTube and make a million!"

I thought, when these words came to me, that this whole thing was hilarious!  But wait.  This is what is actually happening.  There used to be real writing, back when America was Great, and even kids who dropped out of school could actually write moderately well (except for a number of rugged individualists).  Then mediocrity became institutionalized, and Flab entered the picture, and finally, Crap entered the picture.  But now we have Flab and Crap ---with Bling!

I have trouble pointing the finger at your English writing teacher in the trenches.  They're doing as well as they can, given the training they have been given, and given the students they have been inflicted with.  But in a world that demands compulsory Flab, and compulsory bling, what are they to do?

A problem I have personally confronted is how to motivate weak writers? I teach geometry to prospective high school teachers, and I hoped to get them engaged by offering a significant amount of bonus points for an album of geometric proofs with lots of illustrations and bling.  Many of my students did not get started on the project until the last minute, and slapped something together and handed it in, trusting to my generosity to grade leniently.  However, because there were some students who took the assignment seriously, really crappy submissions did not get too far.  Still, the prospect of using a certain amount of Bling motivates weak writers to approach the writing task with a positive attitude.  But I have to say that the culture in Education circles is drenched with Bling.  Evidently today's elementary school kids demand bling, as do many heads of corporations.

Remember Junk Mail?  Well, the days of plain ol' Junk Mail are departing.  I have friends (you know who you are) who specialize in Junk Mail With Bling.  I guess we shouldn't deplore it too much, because it keeps several dozen people employed.  Have you watched the TV News recently?  Little content, but man, is there ever a lot of bling.

It is becoming clear why this is happening.  Some of the most powerful people in the US are not very sharp, and do not have much of an attention span, and I don't mean just those in the House of Whiteness.  Only significant amounts of Bling can engage them.  Even if teachers of writing,  Corporate Communication, and Marketing, are not consciously thinking of these mental midgets as the primary audience of their students' writing, over time this climate cannot help but influence how students produce and present their writing.

There isn't a moral to this rant.  Flabby writing with bling is better than no writing at all, but a good teacher can nudge a good student towards writing with good content and good style, and only moderate bling.  Good writing begins with being interested in the topic.  It is not a matter of allowing the student to pick a topic close to his heart, such as Notre Dame, Athletic Powerhouse, or whatever.  It is a matter of having the skill of being interested in almost anything, at least long enough to write a good paper.  On reflection, this is probably one of the better by-products of a college education.

When you're applying for a grant, or permission for something, well . . . I was about to say that you should cut out the Flab, and most of the Bling, and all of the Crap, but I suppose you've got to know your audience.  If your audience loves Crap, I guess it would be a good strategy to give them some.  But chances are they're hoping for no Flab, no Crap; and the Bling quotient needed is anybody's guess.

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