Your guide to getting sick

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Now, bear in mind that I'm not a medical professional.  But in these days of information overload, people get intimidated into outsourcing all their health decisions to experts.  If only you knew just a little about how these things work, you could head off a lot of simple health problems before they get serious.

Bacteria.  These guys have been around a lot longer than we have; millions of years.  They're one-cell creatures, and they increase by dividing in half, and growing.  Bear in mind that they are already in your body, and on your body: your face, your hands, etc, and do not cause a problem under ordinary conditions.

Luckily for us, they tend to multiply fast only when conditions are right.  On your face, for instance, they're not multiplying; for various reasons they're growing too slowly to bother you.  They usually multiply like crazy when we have been weakened by something: e.g. the body is concerned with an injury, or we've been weakened by another infection, or you're allergic to something, which triggers off a behavior that makes it appear as if your body is sick.

The times when we have to worry about bacteria is when they begin to grow very fast.  This happens usually in the mucous membrane: inside your throat, your alimentary canal, your eyes, your nasal passage, and other places where your skin is like the inside of your cheek: smooth and moist.  Oh, and don't forget your sinuses. These are just holes in your skull, lined with mucus, and connected with your nose, and if they get stuffed up, they become a sort of Woodstock festival for bacteria.

Mucous membrane.  All our orifices are lined with this stuff, which continually sheets outward, carrying bacteria and dust and other particles out of the body.  When it is healthy, the slimy layer is thin and wet.  In contrast, when we've got a cold, sometimes the slimy layer gets thick and sluggish, and that's not good.  Bacteria can get comfortable in thick, sludgy mucous membrane, and multiply like crazy.

Viruses.  These are things very much smaller than bacteria, and they don't even have cells, and they don't have proper DNA.  They're short-lived.  And they multiply by forcing our own cells to make copies of them, because they don't have cells.  Viruses do not live on our bodies normally (as far as I know); they waft in on some evil breeze, or we pick them up on some store counter or bathroom faucet, and without thinking, carry them to our eyes or mouth or nose, and they start to work bullying our cells into making copies of them.  Usually, this makes the victim start sneezing and coughing, because viruses have taken over the mucous membrane, and initially the body tries to shake them off by increasing the flow, which is great, as long as you get rid of the virus-laden mucus safely.  Incidentally, if it gets down into your stomach, that's usually fine.  The stomach has a lot of acid, which is pretty good at frying the viruses and bacteria.  (Some unfortunate people have very sensitive stomachs, and too much mucus gives them indigestion, so look out for that.)

The important thing is to keep getting rid of the mucus.  But all that moisture is leaving the body, and you're getting dried out.  If you don't drink a lot of water at this stage, your mucous membrane is going to get: what?  Thick and sludgy.  Now this thick, clotted mucous membrane is a great place for bacteria to move into.  They've been watching the progress of the virus with great interest, and like carpetbaggers, they come in and start multiplying in the slow-moving mucous membrane.

Another phenomenon that takes place after viruses and bacteria, or an allergy, has been going on for some time is that you get a cough.  Sometimes coughing is caused by the body trying to get rid of mucus in your bronchial tubes (the tubes leading from the nose to the lungs).  Other times, it is caused by mucus dripping on a sensitive spot in the back of your throat, called post-nasal drip.  (In all cases, a cough syrup that (a) thins the mucus, to make it easier to cough, and (b) raises the trigger level that makes you cough, is a good thing.)

So, the take-away is: drinking sufficient water keeps your mucus layer thin and flowing, which is good.  If your mucus starts getting thick and clotted, drink water to help thin it down.  If you have a very aggressive heating system, such as with a forced-air central heater, drink water to offset the drying-out of your nasal passages, or the bacteria already there will start to multiply.  If you have a cough, by all means take a cough mixture, and back it up with a steady flow of water, to help the cough syrup thin your mucus.

A long hot shower helps most people to thin the mucous membrane.  During a cold is a time when you're least interested in a shower, but take one anyway; most people feel better after one.  Brushing your teeth also helps thin your mucous, I don't know why.  A visit to the seashore, or to the foot of a waterfall, helps make your mucus flow.  Be considerate, and blow your nose, and get rid of your phlegm somewhere it will not bother other people!

If you have a cough, drink a lot of water (within reason, of course; drinking gallons can make you throw up).  Keep water by your bedside, and sip it all night long, and a little hard candy might help.

In case you get the impression that I'm pushing water in all circumstances, well, you would be right.  As I said, gallons and gallons of water is not needed.  But a little more water than you would normally drink is good.  And a lot more water is better!

If you have medical conditions that need keeping an eye on, such as high blood pressure and diabetes, and even a heart condition, these all affect what things make sense to do and what things don't.  For instance, certain cough syrups should not be taken by those with any of those three conditions.  Anything with too much salt is contraindicated if you have high blood pressure, which is a pity, because salt makes bacteria unhappy, and unable to multiply rapidly.  So if you have some medical condition, check with your doctor, and remember how he or she responded, and much the same advice you were given this time should work in the future.

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